The Skinny on Tights, for my friend, Nicole.

Wow – there are a LOT of questions about tights! And I don’t blame you. There is some really confusing stuff out there.

I admit that sometimes I want to buy mustard yellow tights to wear with open-toed red velvet disco hooker shoes. So when Jessica says  “but black ribbed tights are so borrrring,” I really do understand. That’s why god invented killer shoes.

Aside from that occasional strike of whimsy, here’s my position on tights, written for Nicole (she runs DeLeon Productions, which hires out acrobats. Check her out!):

  • They are generally a cold-weather item, which is fun because it means that I can lay off the self tanner for a bit.
  • Sometimes they make me feel skinny (unless the waistband causes “sausaging” which is humiliating)
  • They should make your legs look longer and leaner.
  • Nude and white pantyhose are never okay. Not even if you are a nurse.

There’s a fun blog called The Tights that Bind, which has lots of real-world pictures of ladies experimenting with their hosiery. Check it out and decide for yourself how crazy you’d like to get with your legsuit. Then ping me so we can discuss it over Oreos and a milkshake!

Here are some examples of what reputable retailers are trying to trick you into buying:

anthropologie tights

Anthropologie is trying to trick you. But you are too smart!

nordstrom tights

Shame on you, Nordstrom

I’ve done a roundup of Safe, Advanced, and Crazy tights. These aren’t the craziest tights on the web (these are) – these are all tights that I can imagine Jessica considering…

GOOD:

Dark colors. Simple, vertical patterns. Go for it!

ADVANCED: Proceed with caution.

Adventures with color. More complex patterns.

CRAZY TIGHTS

Horizontal stripes will look bad on you. I promise. White (ugh) Ridiculous patterns... don't make your legs look like candy canes!

Crazy Tights Bonus Shot!

And I’m sure you all know this, but just in case – closed toe shoes. I know that models do that thing where they wear open toed shoes with a bold tight. It’s great for an editorial spread in Lucky Magazine, but ridiculous when you are walking into a Chipotle to order a burrito bowl. And let’s be honest about which activity is most likely to happen in our lifetimes.

UPDATE: In anticipation of this post, Jessica submitted two examples of ribbed hosiery that she likes:

I think of ribbed stockings like this Simply Vera number — slightly textured but clearly sheer and these opaque tights from Bloomingdales along the same vein (warm, cozy, and WONDERFUL. Like a delicious sweater for your unshaven legs.

I may go to work wearing some wacky ass tights one of these days, just to make Jessica’s day. OOH – if we ALL did that and submitted pictures of our lunatic leg wear, I bet Jessica would be rendered speechless (imagine that!!). What do you think, Nicole?

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About dhanamura

When I was ten years old, I owned a mustard yellow sequined dress that I got at a garage sale. I stuffed it with rolled tube socks so that I would look more glamorous. That year I also got my first bottle of Chanel No. 5. I felt beautiful in my room, in that dress, smelling like Chanel. What you wear matters. It makes you feel things... or helps you to express things you already feel. Your feet aren't firmly planted on the ground, they are crammed into a pair of shoes. Love those shoes, or take them off.

5 responses to “The Skinny on Tights, for my friend, Nicole.

  1. Nicole Flores

    I love tights and leggings – with the right dress and booties I feel like I am wearing pjs all day long – and I look cute…score (at least I tell myself I am cute…definitely cuter than actually wearing pjs)! I personally love outrageous tights – but for me it’s all costuming…but what’s wrong with a little costuming in your day to day wear?? 😀 (am I in trouble yet??) I loooooove the tights on the far left of the “advanced” section. I love your selections and I think they are totally appropriate for normal day wear, especially for a corporate setting. By the way – you KNOW the Nordstroms ones are all wrong when you can see the variation in color (from stretching) on the toothpick model…imagine them on a real person with distorted squares and all faded out from being stretched….uggghhh so awful.

    • dhanamura

      You’ve always managed to look cute (even when on a budget, which is even better). You are constantly surrounded by people in actual BODY stockings, so I’m sure costuming starts to infiltrate your fashion sensibilities. I kept imagining the Nordstrom tights on a runner’s calves. It would be like a funhouse mirror! Send me a picture of you in your tights and booties. Inspire us! 🙂

  2. Argyle tights. OMG. I just died and went to heaven.

    In the crazy tights line… are those professor elbow patches on TIGHTS?! Oh no…. that’s just sad.

    RENDER ME SPEECHLESS, PEOPLE! I talk (smack). A lot.

    • dhanamura

      Yes – I have a soft spot in my heart for argyle tights too. Especially with a knee-high boot and a short skirt. And the knee patches — right?? Do you remember the leggings that Lindsey Lohan put out called the Mr. President that were padded on the knees? Awesome.

  3. Pingback: I tried it: Advanced Tights « Buzz Deb

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