Rules for a Big Night Out

I was collecting questions for BuzzDeb on Facebook, and Cheryl piped in with a question about formal wear:

How do I choose the right style for the right type of occasion, and how to flatter different figure features?

Wedding? Star studded movie premier? Let’s sit a while and talk about how to totally nail your big night.

I love your butt.

Find a body part and flaunt it. I have a big butt, and I’m ready to force feed it to the world… through the world’s eye balls. Join me. Let’s show the world that we love our thighs and butts and tig ol’ bitties by wrapping them in sequins and a smile.

BCBG fleur strapless cocktail dressCoco T (? What is her last name?) deserves a round of applause for loving her butt, and having the confidence to know that she’s not alone. If you want a curve-conscious outfit, consider the Fleur Strapless Cocktail Dress by BCBG for $348.

The Little Secret that Everyone Knows About… that you can skip

Foundational garments are a double edged sword. Yes, they fill in the potholes and streamline the midsection. But tugging them or having them peek out of your dress ruins all your seshual moxy. So wear them if you need a minor refinement to your silhouette, but if you are trying to achieve a whole new body via shapewear, then I implore you to go a different route. Not because you don’t look great with your spanks, but because they can suck the fun out of an evening. And what’s the point of body glitter if you aren’t going to have a good time. Be comfortable. I guarantee that you can be foxy and comfy all at the same time.

Anthropologie Citrix dressI love a dress that I can move in (and that I can eat in). This one’s the Anthropologie Citric Dress for $398.

With the exception of shoes

You must torture your feet. Unless you are Joss Stone, because she’s 20, and 9 feet tall, and goes barefoot with her gowns. If you are Joss Stone, then you can have comfortable (disgusting and dirty) feet. Otherwise, wear insane high heels. Then get drunk and kick them off and dominate the dance floor.

Enzo Angiolino Show You Pump $159.99

Heyden Pennetierre wore some Louboutin’s, but you can get a similar Disco Ball Feet effect with the Enzo Angiolini ‘Show You’ Pump, for $160 at Nordstrom.

Express yo’self

I liberate you to be tacky, or ridiculous, or over-accessorized, or whatever it is that makes you happiest. But please don’t be lame. Just be awesome. You can write that down if you need to. Sage advice like “don’t be lame” doesn’t come around every day. I especially like tip this if you are over 30. Damn the torpedoes. Do whatever the hell you want to do.

Tadashi Shoji Onde Gown - One Shoulder Tulle

Please note HBC’s shoe choice. Bold! Want to look a little nutty? Try the one shoulder tulle Tadashi Shoji Onde Gown – $479 at Bloomingdales.

With a potentially important exception – If you want to snag a life partner, wear a little black dress, sleek hair, Jimmy Choo stilletos, and Chanel No. 5.

banana republic silk black dress $175

Leighton Meester always looks so cute. You can play it safe in this Monogram by Banana Republic black silk dress for$175.

Start shopping now.

Avoid last minute shopping. It’s stressful, and it makes me hate everything, and then I get stuck in that huge Macy’s dress department in those awful messy dressing rooms, and it’s just no fun. This should be FUN. Macy’s, at the 11th hour is not fun at all. Plus there’s no time to tailor, so the sleeves are all wrong.

Basically, I think that you can learn everything you need to know about dressing up from Cee Lo Green.

Do you have more tips for Cheryl? Let me hear them in the comments!

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About dhanamura

When I was ten years old, I owned a mustard yellow sequined dress that I got at a garage sale. I stuffed it with rolled tube socks so that I would look more glamorous. That year I also got my first bottle of Chanel No. 5. I felt beautiful in my room, in that dress, smelling like Chanel. What you wear matters. It makes you feel things... or helps you to express things you already feel. Your feet aren't firmly planted on the ground, they are crammed into a pair of shoes. Love those shoes, or take them off.

One response to “Rules for a Big Night Out

  1. Thank you! I actually recently purchased a dress not too dissimilar from the blue dress in the first duo, so you have inadvertently validated my choice not to get a strapless poofy mini dress in hot pink with sequins that would have made me look like a senior prom wanna-be!

    I especially like your recommendations to target a haute look but tame it back to realistic proportions.

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