Look Under There! Musings on Unmentionables

You don’t have to throw away all of them. I know that some of them are like old friends that hold your hair when you barf. So you can keep some. But those other ones have got to go.

I’m talking about your underpants.

tee hee

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Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

I’m on the hunt for the perfect knee-high boots…I’m having no success. Can you please post a blog about this stat? Many Thanks! Medium heel to flat-like riding boots. Black, Brown. from Jessica M.

Whenever I tell people that I moved to Seattle from San Diego, they get this concerned look on their face and say something sad about the weather. I’ll pull my coat in a little tighter and say “it rains more in Miami, you know.” and they quietly pat me on my shoulder and say, “I’m sure it does.” The awesome thing about living here is that I can finally wear boots. I have six pair of boots, and I wear all of them! Yay cold weather!

Make a Knockin' Boots joke. You know you want to.

So – back to Jessica’s question. Let’s all agree that The Breakfast Club has been our fashion guide at one point or another. We’re each a brain, an athlete, a princess, a basketcase, and a criminal, right? I let our favorite gang of detainees help me decide what Jessica wants. What say you, you ragtag pack of misfits?

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Refashion Show! Cardigan Update

I’m delusional. I bought a Small Petite sweater. At some point we will dive into my White Pants Habit (it’s a problem… I admit it freely) – but I also have a Pink Sweater Habit. And this pink sweater was never a friend to me.

You know that thing where you jam your size 10 feet into shoes that don’t fit, then clomp around hoping that no one will notice because you love the shoes and they only had one pair, and they were a size eight… Well I did that with this sweater. But luckily the internet was there to save me. The internet told me to cut my sweater up. So I did.

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My Caped Crusade (this one’s for Lisa B!)

I recently got a terrific comment from Lisa (who runs a fantastic blog that you should totally check out) in response to the post about investing in trends:

I have been seeing a lot of commercials that show women in capes. I have always been a little unsure about this. While I appreciate the body forgiveness of a cape, I also can’t help but think of Ugly Betty when I see one. Are there good capes/bad capes? Sweater-style capes vs. coat-style? Belted? So confused! Please help, Deb! :)

Lisa captured my thoughts perfectly. The idea of wearing what is essentially a blanket with a neck hole is extremely appealing. We (the universal We of Women) spend so much time talking about Spanx and skinny jeans, that the prospect of wearing something that guarantees that we won’t have to suck in our gut all day, AND can be considered in style and on trend is pretty hard to ignore. I’ve imagined the perfect cape in my mind’s eye, which is cropped at the hip, camel colored, with a Burberry lining and one of those belts that you can only see from the front. I went to the Burberry website to see if they had read my mind, and they had not.

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Should I spendy for trendy?

When should you invest in a trend? Wait until it stays another season? Or hop on that band wagon asap? Like the summer scarves we saw this year… (which have to be the dumbest thing everrrr)

If there was only one difference between me and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, it would be that I’m totally cheap when I am shopping for clothes. Here are some important tips to consider before you invest in a trend:

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The Skinny on Tights, for my friend, Nicole.

Wow – there are a LOT of questions about tights! And I don’t blame you. There is some really confusing stuff out there.

I admit that sometimes I want to buy mustard yellow tights to wear with open-toed red velvet disco hooker shoes. So when Jessica says  “but black ribbed tights are so borrrring,” I really do understand. That’s why god invented killer shoes.

Aside from that occasional strike of whimsy, here’s my position on tights, written for Nicole (she runs DeLeon Productions, which hires out acrobats. Check her out!):

  • They are generally a cold-weather item, which is fun because it means that I can lay off the self tanner for a bit.
  • Sometimes they make me feel skinny (unless the waistband causes “sausaging” which is humiliating)
  • They should make your legs look longer and leaner.
  • Nude and white pantyhose are never okay. Not even if you are a nurse.

There’s a fun blog called The Tights that Bind, which has lots of real-world pictures of ladies experimenting with their hosiery. Check it out and decide for yourself how crazy you’d like to get with your legsuit. Then ping me so we can discuss it over Oreos and a milkshake!

Here are some examples of what reputable retailers are trying to trick you into buying:

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“Is it too much?”

Tip of the day “You can always be a little fabulous”

Katie is a stone fox who lives in Portland (put a bird on it!). She’s going to a party this weekend, and is deciding between two very different outfits…

Option A: Jeans and flats

Option B: Everything else in her closet.

To make this simple, I’m going to project some of my own goals for party attendance on Katie to help me make up her mind.

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